i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
