I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were trust falling into bushes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize