We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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