yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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