i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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