my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
