I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
