Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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