Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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