I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
