this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
