I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize