SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize