Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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