Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
