i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
