Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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