I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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