When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
