His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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