glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
