these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
