dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
