he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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