whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
