Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
