I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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