The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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