Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
