you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
