Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
