Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize