Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
