Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
