Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize