I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
