I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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