I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
