whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
