I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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