maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Green mimosas i think yes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
