you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
