You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
