Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize