Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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