Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this beer tastes like vomit already
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
