i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
