my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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