i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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