we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
