You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
