If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize