I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
