I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
