Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It all started with a game of naked twister.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
