I'm so fucking centered right now
i will never coherently bang her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
