Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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