dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
