I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
