did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
