if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
false alarm, still single
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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