Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
