God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
