So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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