isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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