I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
