I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
