Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
