I faked an abortion last night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
