turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
