I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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