new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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