You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
