I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
