maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
