There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
