8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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