Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
