to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
