So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
