theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
