last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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