Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
