wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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